The End of the TWW

You know those times when you know something is off. Things just aren't quite right, but you don't know why. That's how I felt in the days leading up to P Day. (For those who need me to spell it out, I mean the start of my period.) Without going to deep in to it, (I'm not sure if I'm ready for all the TMI post just yet,) I usually have certain symptoms that happen like clockwork. This time around I got none of that. No cramping, no gas... nothing. I was so confused and did not really know what to make of it. So I took a pregnancy test. I figured what could it hurt. This is our first month of actually trying to have a baby and there is a good chance my body is just being crazy. Besides, I had been charting/temping and I knew my period wasn't late so there is a great chance this test was negative.

As expected, it was negative. What I did not expect was the disappointment that came with not seeing that little + sign. One moment I was trying to convince myself th

at the negative was no big deal. It was just a Dollar Store cheapie and was probably defective. I was preggers and just had to buy more test. The next moment I was dealing with this sense of loss. Loss for something that I probably had not even conceived yet. Very strange time to be in my head. lol.

In any rate, my curiosity won out and I purchased a FRER (First Response Early Response) pee test. The ladies on the boards all say that's the way to go when testing. Did you know those little suckers are $20 for 2 sticks?!? Ugh. Fine. I bought it. It took EVERYTHING in me to not run home, chug some water and pee on every stick there. But I waited. I impatiently waited until the next morning (woke up an hour early by default), did my business and then waited some more. Did you ever notice pregnancy is all about waiting. Waiting for ovulation, waiting the TWW (two week wait) for Aunt Flo, waiting for the 3 mins are up to see if and how your life will change... 30 seconds in to my final moments before my fate is reveled I decided not to wait. I got on my knees and prayed.

You see, God and I talk frequently. Whether it's just a brief moment or a real deep convo, we talk and I needed him now. I told him my fears and he heard my heart. I asked that he help me through whatever this next phase was to be. If the test was negative again, I asked that he helped me through my disappointment and prepare me for the next month or if by chance it was positive, I asked that he give me all the courage and patience needed to get through this with the husband that he so graciously gave me.

I said my piece, stood up and then went to meet my fate. This little little jewel was waiting for me on the bathroom counter.